We don’t have to be eye to eye or face to face,
I’m not asking for miracles or saving grace,
And I don’t need another heart to have and hold,
All I want is a friend I can talk to soul to soul.
The title of this website was inspired by these lyrics which I heard on an album by the London Community Gospel Choir. It seemed to sum up how I felt: I was tired of being single, tired of feeling lonely and I wanted to feel that deep connection from having a real friend who I could really talk to, “soul2soul”.
Talking to someone soul2soul is crucial to our happiness and sense of wellbeing. In the TV series Making Slough Happy (BBC2, 2005), one of the top tips in the “Happiness Manifesto” was: “Take time to talk – have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week.”
“Every minute you chat with someone,” says evolutionary psychologist Professor Robin Dunbar, “you are saying to them: ‘I like being with you, I want you in my social network’. It’s the human equivalent of chimpanzees grooming each other to check for fleas.”
In this digital age of Facebook, Twitter and call centres, real conversations can seem few and far between. According to Matthias Mehl, a psychologist at the University of Arizona, the quality of our conversations really matter: people who spend more of their day having deep discussions seem to be happier than people who spend their time engaging in small talk.
This website began simply as a blog about my experiences as a single Christian. I wrote the book Freedom from Loneliness, and then I began running retreats on loneliness and finding connections. I discovered that going on a retreat often allows those “soul2soul” conversations to take place. Retreats provide a safe space for connections to be made: with other people, with your innermost self and with that divine, mysterious presence that I like to call God.